After all the time that you were mine got swept up by the wind,
I find it hard to work out where I end and you begin,
Something changed, we’re not the same and yet my heart is broken,
Was it something that I did or words I left unspoken?
Though my path is dark and winding, my heart is full of love,
I’m a million miles away it seems and my head is trapped above.
Growing apart seemed so sudden as my heart clung to the hope,
Visions in my head still grew of a day we could elope
I was me before I knew you and me I’ll be again,
The only thing left for me to ask is after this pain when?
Implosion. A simple word to describe something collapsing into itself. In many ways mental illness is a type of implosion. Whether the pressure comes internally, externally, or a mixture of both, the feeling of eroding from the inside out is inescapable. When this feeling stabilises for a while, you can start to feel like a ticking time bomb waiting to implode at a moment’s touch. Truth is I’ve always wanted to believe that mental illness is an implosion because an implosion only impacts upon me. The reality is that giving up will impact upon almost everyone in your life to a varying degree whether you realise it or not. And so we must fight. Not because of the chance that we will explode, implode or breakdown but because of the small chance that we won’t. The chance that we still have something to offer this world against all hope. Keep fighting. Stay strong.
In a world of pain and suffering, why wouldn’t we all be obsessed with the illusion of bliss and freedom? Initially I saw happiness as an unattainable luxury, a state that keeps us naively alive with the promise of a better world that will never exist. While it is true that moments of happiness in life are a great part of what keeps us living, we need not be permanently happy to lead a fulfilling and “happy” life. To some extent we choose how to view the world each day. We wouldn’t know true pain and devastation without having experienced some state of contentedness. I am not going to spend my life convincing myself that I am happy when that may not be the truth, but I will make a concerted decision to try.